Monkey, monkey, underpants.

Where have I been for the last three and a half months? WORK! I have basically been in a hole, trying to finish (or start) a paper I planned to have drafted by November 1 (2006). It is FINALLY in the final stages of editing and should be released in the next week or so.

I was extremely disturbed to see the whole experience (and my mental process generally) so perfectly described in a recent episode of Gilmore Girls. If you go to minute 5:30 on this clip you can watch (don't read below if you are going to watch b/c something is lost in written word). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPKpTKyHYqM

Now, if you've watched, here is the transcript:

Rory: Maybe if you just put pen to paper.

Lorelai: I tried that. I thought I'll just sit down and write, whatever comes, no judgement, no inner critic. What was that a bad idea.

Rory: Really? Why?

Lorelai: My brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. I'm writing a letter, I can't write a letter, why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress, I wish I was wearing my blue dress, my blue dress is at the cleaners. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue, 'Casablanca' is such a good movie. Casablanca, the White House, Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard. Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants.

Rory: Hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey monkey underpants?

Lorelai: Exactly! That's what I'm saying, it's a big bag of weird up there.

Truer words have not been spoken since Berna diagnosised "you can't be a procrastinator AND a perfectionist!" (For the record, I am the living proof that you CAN, it just isn't a good idea.) But there you go ... it is a big bag of weird up there.

And so it begins ...

The planning ... the friends and family ... the guilt. :)

We are having an engagement party Friday night. If you haven't received our announcement, then I don't have your correct e-mail so be sure to go here (hopefully it works) and add yourself to the list (the "invite more guests" option).

We have been so blessed by the responses of our family and friends. My family welcomed Dave with open arms and only a few veiled references to Dad's gun collection. I've been able to gush with a few of Dave's family members as well. My friends picked us up at the airport and we opened a bottle of champaign at their house, and then they took us out to dinner last Friday! Both our churches had big hugs and hearty congratulations for us, praising God for this answer to prayer. And I have been so blessed by the heart-warming e-mails and offers of help from everyone. Thank you.

We've spent the last week trying to get a hold of everyone, playing a lot of phone tag, and eventually resorting to the classy eVite. However, I have to share a few of the more creative "wag of the finger"s that we've received due to our inability to make a connection.

Donna (who I tried to call and sent an eVite to the wrong e-mail):

"So you get engaged and Trent and I have to hear about it through the grapevine?????"

AnnaCaroline's (Dave's little sister) response to the eVite:

"I can't say how excited Len and I are about your engagement. We couldn't be happier. Well, maybe if Dave would return my calls so I could hear all the details...just kidding."

But the winner has to be Chris (one of Dave's best friends) who left the following voicemail:

"dead babies,
rotting branches,
launching feces,
people not answering their phones,
crayons melted on the dashboard,
snapped legs,
bad [garbled] at sporting events,
favorite puppies no longer with us,
treadmills smashed by fat people who think they’re going to get in shape,
trucks who can’t drive over 65 mph,
hopeless movies,
computer systems that are always crashing."

WE'RE ENGAGED!

It happened late Sunday night while we were at home in Missouri for the holiday weekend. Things are so crazy that I haven't even had a chance to write up a proper summary (at least in the excruciating detail you know I think it requires). However, this is the most information anyone has received via text, so I figured it would have to suffice for the moment (note: it contains my usual degree of frankness, but those who know me will not be surprised). Excruciating details to follow soon in an upcoming blog ...

(If you make it all the way to the bottom, you will be rewarded with a picture of the MOSTAMAZINGENGAGEMENTRINGEVER!)

10:05 AM
Liz: I hear you're engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! Tell Dave congrats, too!!
10:13 AM
me: OH, thank you! We are SO EXCITED!
I was COMPLETELY surprised.
Liz: Molly told me last night and I was so happy!
when do you think the wedding will be?
me: you'll be getting an invite soon for an engagement gathering :)
maybe next Friday night
probably not until next summer
Liz: bueno bueno
10:14 AM
me: unless we can throw something together before New Years, my job is just so busy during the legislative session.
Liz: oh yeah, good point
me: plus, we are both outdoor-sy and would like to do it outside
so that would mean early June?
Liz: yeah, that would be BEAUTIFUL
might be a LITTLE cold if you did it Dec. or Jan...
me: That just seems SO FAR AWAY (I'm ready to have sex) :)
10:15 AM
Liz: here or back home? (MO, right?)
that was in reference to where the wedding will be, not where you want to have sex :)
10:16 AM
me: Yes, the sex will be in the limo between the church and reception :)
Liz: honey, you know that's how I'll be too
10:17 AM
me: I'd like to do it out here b/c it is so important to me that my DC friends (mostly at Rez) and co-workers are able to come
I'm afraid they may not haul their cookies to the middle of Missouri
but it will depend on if we can find a place out here to do it
Liz: hmmm...important consideration...
and things are so expensive here!
me: we'd like to do it on a farm outside the city or something
Liz: OH!
one of my best friends got married at the VA botanical gardens or something
10:18 AM
on the road out to Mount Vernon
VA Horticultural society
I think that's what it was
it was BEAUTIFUL!!
10:19 AM
me: oh, I have dubbed the theme "Rural Chic" (like sheik, not chick) ... you know, like "Shabby Chic" but farmy :)
Liz: gotcha
me: we want bbq and just a big party with lots of drinking and dancing
Liz: sounds PERFECT
how did he pop the question?
10:20 AM
me: oh, in the front yard of my family farm, under the moonlight ...
I didn't think he'd talked to dad yet so I was completely surprised :)
Liz: oh wow
10:21 AM
me: it was so great to be at home, surrounded by my family
10:22 AM
Liz: when did you get back?
me: last night
10:23 AM
Liz: so fun
me: yes, he did it Sunday night
it just wasn't enough time to spend w/ my mom, sister, and sister-in-law afterward :)
but I am SO THANKFUL they were there to share it
10:24 AM
Liz: that's how I would want it to be, too
while visiting my family
10:25 AM
me: yeah, it is hard enough being away from them ... I'm glad this was something I got to share w/ them and didn't have to call them
but I wouldn't have even thought to hope for that ... Dave is so smart :)
I love him so much!
Liz: sometimes it totally sucks that family is so far away
you really had no idea?
10:27 AM
me: I had thought maybe Christmas ... maybe a little sooner
but I just thought he was going to take the opportunity to ask my dad
and then I thought he wasn't even getting THAT done (b/c everyone was misleading me) that I was SURE it was far away
I just always guess everything ... I'm never surprised
so this was amazing
10:28 AM
Liz: that sounds perfect
10:29 AM
ok, I'm going to get back to work now
thanks for sharing the story!!!
10:30 AM
me: me too :) Can't wait to show you the ring! Hope to see you soon ...
Liz: yes!
ok, talk to you soon!
bye

What are you reading?

Swiped from Dave's blog, who "ganked" it from Elise's Live Journal (Shayna's best friend ... she's a hoot):

1. Grab the nearest book
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

"I just got too tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally, the daily wardrobe ordeal had sapped me of all energy. Until, that is, I relented on the three-month anniversary of my first day."

(I had The Devil Wears Prada sitting on my desk to mail back to my friend Julie.)

Jesus Action Figure

Continuing my theme of blasphemy in toys, I wanted to show you the coolest thing I've found this summer ... the Jesus Action Figure! It was so "clutch" I had to get one for each of my clergy and for Dave (even though I was REALLY upset with him at the time ... which just goes to show the power of the Jesus Action Figure). I, of course, had to get Jesus and Moses. My only regret ... not knowing there was a Deluxe Jesus Action Figure, with fishes and loaves and glowing hands, that I should have held out for. Check out the link at the bottom for a spoof commercial for the Jesus Christ Action Figure Playset ... "go ahead, throw the first stone!"

Jesus Action Figure™
Everyone has a different take on Jesus. Muslims saw him as a prophet. Buddhists say he was enlightened. Hindus consider him an avatar (the incarnation of a deity in human form), while Christians hail him as the Son of God. But, wherever your theological compass points, you will agree that this is the coolest action figure ever made. Each hard vinyl Jesus Action Figure stands 5" (12.7 cm) tall with posable arms to reach toward the heavens and wheels in his base for smooth gliding action!










Moses Action Figure
This 5-1/4" (13.3 cm) tall, hard vinyl Moses Action Figure comes with removable stone tablets for delivering the Ten Commandments and a shepherd’s staff for delivering the ten plagues!













Deluxe Jesus Action Figure
There is no action figure more deserving of a deluxe edition than the Son of God. This 5-1/4" (13.3 cm) tall, hard vinyl figure comes with eight amazing plastic accessories: five loaves of bread, two fish and a jug for turning water into wine (not guaranteed to work for real). Also features “glow-in-the-dark miracle hands!”

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/jesus.php

The Bible in Legos


I bought this book at Urban Outfitters several years ago as a gift for my brother ... but then loved it so much I couldn't part with it (sorry, Neff). It is a great witnessing tool and/or object of blasphemy, since everyone loves Legos and loves to see things made out of Legos ... and it is twice as funny when they are Old Testament stories. The way he manages to make some objects is shear genius ... others are just funny (like babies, or blood). The book is making the rounds in my office right now.

And the blessings abound. The author went on to create more books and a web site with a goal of "Lego-ing" the entire Bible. Let me know your favorite verse scene. Mine is Genesis 6:11-12, "The earth was corrupt before God and filled with crime. God saw the earth, and saw that it was corrupt, for all living beings had perverted their ways on the earth." Check out the guy with the sheep.

I'm a Ginger Kid ...

South Park had a hilarious episode about "Ginger Kids." Check out this link to watch a clip.



Eww, gross. I have no soul.

One of my co-workers was kind enough to circulate this in the office ... just before our office-wide bowling trip. Nothing like a dozen lawyers chanting "Ginger, Ginger" as you are lining up for a spare.

You can visit this web site to learn more.



And in case you couldn't identify me as a Ginger Kid, Dave was kind enough to get me this shirt! :)